Monday, April 29, 2013

Our girls

I love this picture of Toby and Jessie. It shows how beautiful they were and how much they loved each other. This was taken in 2001 so they were 2 [Jessie] and 1 [Toby] years old.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Good-bye, our girls

Always touching, always together.
And now they are together again.

"The Greatest Gift" by Karla M. Bertram:

I always knew this time would come,
From the very instant our eyes first met.
How I loved you then! How I love you now!
I made a promise then, and I will keep that promise now...
You will not suffer from a pain that will not heal;
You will not know the loss of a life remembered, now gone.

It is for me alone to make this decision,
The price for the bright joy and pure laughter
You brought me during the time we shared.
I am the only one who can decide when it is time.
When my hope dies, and my fear rides high,
Just when I need you most, I must let you go.

It is for you alone to tell me when you are ready
For without your guidance, I will not know
When to lay my grief, my guilt, my anger
My sorrow and my selfish heart aside
And give you this last gift, this greatest gift.
Your eyes will speak to mine, and I will know.

The pain of this moment is excruciating.
Tears stream down my face in a river of sorrow.
And my heart drowns in a pool of grief.
For you have spoken and I have listened,
And unlike other decisions I have made
This one brings no peace.

For if there´s one thing you´ve taught me,
If there´s only one thing I´ve learned...
Unconditional love has a condition after all,
I must be willing to let you go, when you speak to me
I must be willing to help you go, if you cannot go alone.
And I must accept my pain so you can be free of yours.

Go easily now, go quickly now,
Do not linger here, it is time for you to leave.
Go find your strength, go find your youth.
Go find the ones who've gone before you.
You are free to leave me now, free to let your spirit soar
Rest easy now, your pain will soon be gone.

I pray I will find comfort in my memories...
In the dark and lonely days ahead.
I cannot say I will not miss you, I cannot say I will not cry.
For only my tears can heal my broken heart.
But, I promise you this; as long as I live,
You will live, alive in my mind, forever in my heart.

So I give you this last gift, all I have left to give,
And this will be my greatest gift...sending you away.
It is the measure of my unconditional love...
For only the greatest love can say,
"Good-bye, go find the bridge, we'll meet again,
Loving you has been the greatest gift of all."

Toby's Tibetan prayer flags

I am missing her so much.
You have gone ahead
And nothing is the same
Leaving paw prints on my heart
That will always remain.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Toby 2000 - 2013

Toby went over the Rainbow Bridge tonight. Now she is reunited with her Daddy and can play again with her sister Jessie.
These last few months were a struggle for her and it just was not getting any better. Dr. Tom fought valiantly to make her better but it was just not to be and it became obvious that the best thing to do was to let her go.
I will miss her terribly but I know she is in her Daddy's arms now. I look forward to the time when we are all together again.
Rest easy, my big girl. Mommy loves you.

May 2000 - Toby's first day with us
2001 - First time at the groomer

Best friends
With John - now they are all together again

Friday, April 19, 2013

Toby continues to have difficulties

I really thought yesterday was going to be "the day". I called my vet and asked him to come see her and let me know what he thought. Toby was flat out refusing to eat and except for her diarrhea subsiding, all of her other issues were either the same or worse.
I needed some guidance and if it was time, I wanted to do what was best for Toby.
So Dr Tom came.
He spent two hours with her and me. Have I told you how much I  love my vet? The man is a saint.
We decided we would give her some more time and we made a plan. We tweaked her medications - discontinuing some, adding others. He gave me some ideas for her diet.
Today she seems a little brighter. Her appetite still isn't great but it's better. There are at least some things she will eat for me. Tonight she had a can of Mighty Dog and two slices of bread with honey plus she had her medications and a slew of dog biscuits. I think that's pretty good.
We're taking this one day at a time. We're going to re-evaluate on Monday. By that time we should know if we are headed in the right direction.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Toby update

Our little girl continues to have struggles. The latest thought is that she has chronic irritable bowel disease. Hopefully the medication we have her on will help. We have been struggling with this for two months now. In addition, we know that her liver is enlarged and some of her lab work is off. Plus she has developed urinary issues too. She has arthritis and discomfort from that as well. And now she won't eat. I don't know how much of this is also being aggravated by her missing Jessie. It's hard to know.
She's getting acupuncture, Chinese herbs, laser treatments, and homeopathic and allopathic medications. I hope some of it kicks in soon. I am not ready to give up on her yet and I hope she isn't ready to give up either but if and when the time comes I will be there for her.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Sean, the little thief

I was snacking on sweet potato chips in my office this afternoon. All of  a sudden, Sean jumped on my desk, stuck his little head inside the bag, and made off with a chip. I followed him and found him in the bathroom snacking on his treasure.